


Only You

by house_of_galathynius



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:14:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29861409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/house_of_galathynius/pseuds/house_of_galathynius
Summary: AU where none of Aelin's family are killed and the events of Throne of Glass didn't happen the way they did. She is able to meet Rowan in normal circumstances and explore their relationship without the threat of war looming over her.
Relationships: Aedion Ashryver/Lysandra, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien & Rowan Whitethorn, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Sam Cortland, Elide Lochan/Lorcan Salvaterre
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

Summer had always been Aelin’s favourite time of the year. It was the soft breezes and the long days, the late nights. It was the time of year where she didn’t have to be a princess. There was no need for the formalities or the pretending. 

Summer was the season of freedom. 

And when she had woken up that morning, the sun was still low in the sky, the mist dancing between the trees and the bird song was mellowed, quieter somehow. She had known that summer was over; her Fae senses could feel the shift of the season. Summer giving way to the crispness of autumn. And despite the peacefulness and beauty of autumn, it was also her least favourite time of the year.

Court would begin again. Gone would be the long nights of stargazing, the lazy days lounging in the sun with a book or the trips to the Staghorns; now was the time for her royal duties to start once again. 

A gentle tap of the door had Aelin groaning and shifting in bed. 

“Your Highness? Your father would like to know if you will be eating breakfast with them this morning.” Her maid Elspeth was one of the good ones. She was in her late forties and had been with Aelin for her entire twenty years. She was a short woman, her hair starting to grey at the roots, her cheeks always rosy and plump. But Aelin loved her like a mother.

Elspeth slid into the room and closed the door behind her, she strode over to the towering windows which looked out over the forest beyond the castle. The thick curtains were opened to reveal a grey morning. Elspeth didn’t wait for a response from Aelin as she continued her way around the room to the balcony on the far side. She opened the doors and Fleetfoot, Aelin’s beloved dog perked up and trotted off to the fresh air. 

Elspeth was well versed in the ways of Aelin. Which is why her final task was to perch on the edge of her bed and pull the covers back. 

“Aelin, you have guests arriving today.” 

She shot up in bed, staring at Elspeth. She had forgotten about the guests. If she had, she definitely would have been up earlier. She said as much. 

“The Queen of Doranelle, Sellene Whitethorn is arriving with her family.” 

Of course. There had been turmoil in Doranelle for many years and finally, only a few months ago, they had decided on a new queen. It had been a surprise to her Uncle Orlon when it had been announced, but nonetheless, had extended an invitation to visit once the new queen had settled into her new role. Just as the offer would be extended to me one day- when I became queen. 

“I suppose I cannot get away with my usual attire today?” She said. Elspeth laughed and shook her head. “I’m afraid not. A dress will be required.” 

Elspeth had picked a simple yet regal gown in a deep Terrasen green. Elspeth tried and failed to get Aelin to braid her hair, or at least put it into a simple updo. But Aelin enjoyed her hair free, the long blonde locks were one of her favourite assets, and never understood the need to hide it. 

She surveyed herself in the mirror, despite her late night with Sam, she looked awake and bright eyed. Ready for a day of acting like a princess. 

When Aelin arrived into the breakfast room, her father and mother were already seated, Orlon too. She took up the seat beside her mother and smiled apologetically to the three of them. Tardiness was one of her weaknesses and had frustrated all of them to no end. But with the night she had just had… if only her parents knew. 

“Late night again, Aelin?” Orlon grinned. He had always been privy to Aelin’s whereabouts, where she would sneak off to, who she would meet. 

Sam was not royal, in fact, he held no title in Terrasen. He had moved when he had been sixteen years old; escaping the grips of an assassin in Rifthold. He had stowed away on a ship, not knowing where it was going, but hoping that anywhere was better than before. He arrived in Terrasen with a few coins and his wits about him. He’d managed to secure work at a library. The owner had been old and frail, unable to lift the books, unable to do much at all. Sam had taken it upon himself to help in any way he could. And six years later he was the proud owner. It’s where Aelin had met him. Since then, she had been sneaking off to see Sam every chance she could; the only person knowing being Orlon. 

She knew it could never be more than it was with Sam, a reason why she had been so quick to shut down his offer the night before. And despite Terrasen being a forward-thinking country— the King was married to a man for Gods sake— they still drew the line at commoners and royalty marrying, or even being involved, the only exception being a mating bond; something so rare and final that no King or God could argue with it. So she tried to enjoy the stolen moments she had with Sam. Avoiding the advances of any foreign royalty that may come her way. The King only allowing it on the condition that when a serious offer of marriage arose, Aelin would accept and take her place as the next heir to the throne. She loved Sam, and on occasion had been angry at the impossibility of it being anything other than what it was now.

There was the other problem of her immortal lifespan. Sam was human and at some point it would have to end anyway.

“Did you forget about the arrival of the Whitethorns today?” Her father asked.

“It may have slipped my mind.” An easy lie. She took a bite of the pastry in front of her, savouring the sweetness. “But I am here now, and ready to be the perfect princess.” Another bite. 

Her mother chuckled to herself, sipping on the herbal tea that she would drink every morning without fail. Orlon cleared his throat, giving her a look. 

“The queen is new to this Aelin. We must ensure she is welcomed and feels comfortable during her stay.” 

A roll of her eyes. “I think I can manage being nice for a few days.” 

“Weeks.”

She stopped mid-chew. 

“The Whitethorns will be here for at least three weeks. Their castle is under renovations, so we offered them a place to stay whilst they were underway.” 

She had never heard of such a thing. A new queen, leaving her territory for weeks? 

“Darling, you are not expected to entertain them alone, nor be present at every minute.” Her mother had always been the diffuser; ensuring the conversations remained civil, if not for her sanity, for the sake of Aelin’s temper that had resulted in a few fires. “But the sneaking off will have to stop. Lysandra will understand.” Lysandra being Aelin’s excuse for when she was actually sneaking off to see Sam. 

She smiled politely and confirmed that she would be well behaved for when the guests arrived.

And that was that. 

She finished breakfast quickly and excused herself before they could make her stay longer. Aelin made her way to the training ground just beyond the walls of the garden. Orlon had had it built when it was evident Aelin needed a place to train with her powers. Fire magic was a rare gift, one that hadn’t been in the royal family since Brannon. She was grateful for the space, even if she no longer needed to train to the same extent. Only meeting with her trainer once every month.

“I thought I might find you here.” Lysandra’s voice echoed across the stones. “Hiding?” Lysandra laughed. 

“Something like that.” 

Lysandra was silent as she perched on the stone bench, watching as Aelin made shields of flame, as she danced the fire through her fingers and flung her powers towards the wall.

“I won’t be available for a while Lys. The Queen of Doranelle and her family are arriving today.” Aelin held the flame in her palm. “I need you to send a message to Sam for me.”

Lysandra had been the daughter of one of her mothers maids. And when her mother had died, Aelin’s mother could not stand the thought of Lysandra going to an orphanage. So she had housed Lysandra and trained her as a lady-in-waiting for Aelin. And even though they hated each other as children, the older they got the more they understood the other. 

“I heard one of the Whitethorn princes is extremely handsome. Do you think he’d be interested?” Aelin snorted. Any person would be insane not to be attracted to Lysandra. 

“Gods help the poor male if you pursue him.” Aelin returned to her flame.

“We all know that you’re going to marry me one day.” 

They both whirled at the sound of the male voice at the archway. Aedion stood there in all his glory. He wore a midnight blue jacket and dark pants, clothes for important people, Aelin thought. It was envy that Aelin was feeling. Aedion may be a prince, but he would never be King; marrying Lysandra would never be a problem, if she ever agreed, that was. 

Lysandra rolled her eyes and flipped her hair to the side. “Aedion, we both know you can’t handle me.” 

“We’ll see, Lysandra.” Mischief glittering in his eyes. 

Aedion took his wandering eyes away from Lysandra and back to Aelin, who had already lost interest in their banter. 

“What do you want Aedion? Aelin and I were busy.” 

“I’m here to tell Aelin that the Whitethorns will be here any moment, and her father wishes for her to be in the great hall to welcome them.” 

No peace. Summer was well and truly over then. Her flame flickered out and she brushed down her dress that was lightly coated in dust. She shook out her hair and let it fall past her shoulders, running her fingers through it to release any tangles. 

“How do I look?” 

“Like your father is going to kill you when he see’s the mess on your clothes.” Aedion held his arm out, she linked hers through it and smiled back at Lysandra who was brushing her own dress down.

“I’ll see you later Aelin.” A smile. “Always a pleasure, Aedion.” And then she was gone. 

Aelin and Aedion strolled down the path that led back into the gardens and then into the tall white palace of Orynth. The guards bowed their heads as she passed, the only acknowledgement that they would give. They continued into the palace, the halls empty of people. 

“Did they have to put out so many flowers? I feel like I’m just going to sneeze the entire time.” Aedion laughed, but didn’t respond as they approached the doors to the great hall. 

The room was only ever used for special occasions, I suppose a new queen included that. The room was large, taking up an entire wing of the castle, it’s ceiling tall, gold chandeliers dropping from it. The walls were painted white, with green and gold accents dotted around— the colours of Terrasen. The room was magnificent, every inch dripping in wealth and splendour. 

When she entered she dropped into a low curtsey. Orlon was sat atop the Antler Throne, his eyes fixed on her and Aedion— who was also bowing low. Her father and mother were sat on two smaller seats to Orlon’s left. A second, smaller throne rested next to Orlon’s; for the consort of the king. Which was unusually empty; Orlon’s husband usually filling the spot. 

As soon as she was in her place and everyone else were in their correct spots the guard at the end of the hall announced the arrival of the first Whitethorn family members. Aelin knew this formality all too well— get the lesser family members out of the way first, and then announce the most important. So she dropped her eyes and fiddled with the hem of her sleeve. She kept her eyes averted as the guard listed off the names of lesser royals and their spouses. A pinch on her shoulder made her look up, she spun to berate Aedion for being an ass, when the guard started to speak once more. 

“Your majesty, I would like to present Rowan Whitethorn, Prince of Doranelle and Endymion Whitethorn, Prince of Doranelle.” 

The two males stepped through the open doors and she met the eyes of the shorter male. He was handsome, of course; and she smiled politely at him, wishing this would go faster. He smiled back, lowering his head slightly before doing the same to Aedion. Aelin tore her eyes away and looked at the second male stood next to him. Her breath caught in her throat as she beheld what was in front of her. 

It took him a moment to look toward her, and when their eyes met she felt every hair on her body stand up. His pine green eyes met her own and it was like the world was falling around her. She swallowed and forced herself to breathe, her body heating. 

The male in front of her seemed to be doing the same thing. His breathing turned shallow and he couldn’t tear his eyes from hers. 

It was like everything around her was spinning or maybe she was falling, Orlon’s voice faded to the background, all she could hear was the pounding of her heart. 

As she stared into the eyes of her mate.


	2. Mates

It felt like hours as she stared at him. She took in his long silver hair, the tight fit of his black jacket over his broad shoulders. But she couldn’t stop staring at his eyes. The pine green, the way they never looked away from her own. It was like an answer to a question she didn’t even know she had been asking. 

She did not move for fear of it being a dream. 

She felt the touch of a hand on her shoulder, the gentle shake. It broke whatever trance she had been under and she was transported back to the great hall, where upon inspection, all eyes were on her. She didn’t blink as she abruptly stood and gave an excuse before rushing out of the room. 

She didn’t stop until she made it to her rooms. The door slamming behind her making Fleetfoot jump from where she was sleeping on the bed. 

Aelin headed straight for the balcony where the cool breeze brushed against her. The autumn sun kissing her skin. Her hands grabbed the stone railing of the balcony, her grip tightening as she remembered his face. 

Her mate. 

Had she not just been in the arms of Sam? Spouting declarations of love, being asked to run away with him? 

Her head was spinning. Mates were a rare and precious thing to find. Something that only the few lucky Fae were able to have. A bond that was so intense and binding that it could drive people to do crazy things. 

Aelin had never even considered that she had a mate. She had always assumed that perhaps if Sam had been Fae he would’ve been it… but Rowan Whitethorn. 

“Fireheart?” Her mothers voice stopped her train of thought. “Are you alright? I’ve never seen you run so fast out of a room.” 

Her breathing turned ragged once more, the full reality of it hitting. She couldn’t speak, or think. She couldn’t turn around and look at her mother, for no reason except she was scared. “Aelin?” She repeated her name, coming to put a hand on her shoulder. 

“He’s…” A deep breathe in. “He’s my mate.” As soon as the words left her mouth she felt her entire body sag. Wasn’t mating meant to be happy? 

“Why are you crying? This is a wonderful thing, darling.” She wiped the tears from Aelin’s cheeks. “Finding your mate is joyous, it warrants a celebration!” Her mother smiled at her, eyes bright with excitement. 

“Evalin? Aelin?” Aelin’s father emerged from the bedroom and onto the balcony. “What’s the matter?” 

“Aelin found her mate.” 

She groaned. How was she going to explain to Sam? That the morning after he proposed running away together, she suddenly has a mate. A thought popped into her mind. “Do I have to accept it?” 

Her parents looked to each other, confusion evident on their faces. “Why would you not accept it?” 

Aelin held in a breathe as she let go of all the secrets she had been hanging onto for two years. She told them about Sam, about the boy in the library who stole her heart. About the boy who would give up everything to be with her, the boy who treated her not as a princess, but as a person. She told them about the stolen nights together, how she wanted it to be him with her entire being. And when she was done, her parents held her in their arms as she cried. 

Her parents held her as she cried for what she knew she was going to have to lose. No one said a word for what seemed like a long time. Her father being the first to break the silence. 

“I know it is difficult. To let go of something so dear to you… it will not be easy. But you have found something so incredibly rare and wonderful that it would be a damned shame if you let it slip through your fingers.” She didn’t say anything as her father continued. “I don’t enjoy being the one to tell you these things Aelin. But Sam… he can’t be what you want him to be. Tradition and law state it. You’re a smart woman, and I know you love your kingdom and your family, which is why I trust that you will make the right decision.” He kissed her forehead, her mother doing the same. 

“We love you Aelin, and are so proud of the person you have become.” 

She smiled numbly at her parents. Wishing the storm in her head would subside.


	3. Choices

Her father had been right. She would make the right decision. She had known in her heart of hearts that Sam was not her forever, that she would one day have to make a decision. So she would court Rowan, get to know him; and when it was time for him to depart she would make her decision. 

She had hoped that the act of courting would never have to be done. That she could just accept a proposal from a faraway royal and be done with it. But it scared her, making the time to get to know someone. Opening up her world to another had taken courage the first time; but to do it again… she didn’t know how. With Sam it had come so easy. Naturally.

“Just a few weeks. We can organise it the traditional way, so you don’t have to think about anything other than just getting to know him.” Her parents had said, trying their best to take the weight of it all from her shoulders. 

She had let her parents lead her back down to the great hall. The closer she got the more nervous she became. Aelin had always been the epitome of confidence, never balking or shying away from anything that was thrown her way. When she discovered her flame, she embraced it, learnt how to control it. But facing her mate seemed like a mountain too high to climb. 

Silence fell as she entered the room. Orlon remained seated on his throne, Sellene now perched on a new throne beside his own. She was regal in her deep crimson dress, her white hair braided down one side, a crown of silver atop her head. Aelin curtseyed to her and apologised for her departure. 

She did not tear her gaze from the two royals upon their thrones. She could sense the presence of Rowan in the room, could feel the bond pulsing between them. It took all her strength not to look towards him. She feared if she did that it would be over, and she would give in to that strange power that pulled them together. 

“Sellene, I am pleased to introduce my niece Aelin Ashryver Galathynius. She is to take the throne when I eventually step aside.”

Sellene did not smile as she took in Aelin. Nonetheless, she bowed her head once and nodded. “It is nice to meet you Aelin.” A throat cleared to the side of Aelin. “I look forward to getting to know you whilst I am here.” 

“As do I, your majesty.” Aelin curtseyed once more and wanted nothing more than to leave the room. She met the eyes of Aedion who gave her a questioning glance. She subtly shook her head in an I’ll explain later way. 

Orlon rose from the throne and clapped his hands together. “I think it is time to let our honoured guests find their rooms and freshen up before the feast this evening.” He looked at Aelin, his eyes stern as he willed her to stay where she was. 

When the room was finally empty she made her way to him. “I’m sorry I ran out like that.” 

“Your departure caused quite a stir. But, I understand.” 

A curious glance. “You do?” 

“You were blindsided by your mate being here. No one blames you for escaping. Although the surprise on his face when he figured it out was quite hilarious.” Orlon had always been good at putting her at ease. “You’ll figure it out Aelin. And we’ll support whatever decision you make.” 

“Even if you don’t necessarily agree with it?” They walked towards the exit, the guards pretending not to listen, but would no doubt go and tell the others as soon as they were finished. 

“Even then.” Orlon had always been the level headed person to talk to. When her father became too protective or too opinionated; she would go to Orlon. “Go and get ready for dinner. And if you’re lucky I’ll make up an excuse for you to leave early.” 

Aelin laughed and kissed him on the cheek. She had made it all of five steps when she bumped into the back of someone who had been loitering in the hall. She went to apologise and scamper off, but the someone who she had run into turned around and she couldn’t believe her luck. Rowan stood there, looking like he was waging a war within himself and she didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t run away, and she couldn’t make up an excuse to get out of this one. He was her mate. The least she could do was acknowledge his existence.

She couldn’t summon her usual wit, so she spoke the first thing that had entered her mind. “I’m sorry for running out like that. I was just surprised.” This seemed like the most polite way out of this conversation. 

“That makes two of us.” He cleared his throat. The energy between them was electric and she didn’t know how to stay still. 

Gods, she had hoped she would have a couple of hours before she would need to have this conversation. And any hope of saving was scuppered as Orlon had already departed and was nowhere to be seen. 

“I don’t know the right thing to say here, Aelin.” Her name on his lips was the most beautiful sound she had heard. It took her a moment to think. She studied Rowan for a second, admiring his eyes, the shape of his jaw, the muscles that bulged beneath his jacket. But then she thought of Sam and the moment ended. But guilt ravaged her as she though of another male whilst in front of her mate.

After another minute she finally found the words to say. “We are both new to this, I don’t know what being… mates will mean. But I want to take it slow, take our time.” 

“Like courting?” 

She shrugged. “If that’s what you’d like to call it.”

“I suppose I will take whatever you offer me.”He gestured to the front of him. “May I escort you to your rooms?” He offered his arm to her. She knew what taking it would mean. That she would be accepting to begin whatever it was they may be starting. A small part of her wanted to refuse, but with the guards still listening to her conversation and not wanting to second guess any longer, she looped her arm through his own. 

The moment their bodies touched was like knowing the the answer to life. She could’ve sworn she felt him shiver at the contact. Her body was humming with excitement, apprehension… nervousness. She could feel her magic thrumming beneath her skin, wanting out. But she remained composed, even if it was the hardest thing she had to do. 

She had to take the long route to her rooms. Her usual route was far too private and hidden for her to take Rowan down. She feared the maids would talk if they saw them. So she took Rowan the main way, up the grand staircase and through the wide hallways of the palace. They remained in silence for a while before Rowan began speaking. 

“I heard you possess fire magic? Have you been trained in using it?

“I do. I was trained everyday when I was younger, I stopped when I was fifteen. I train every month or so now. I sometimes practice on my own.” She snuck a peek at him as they continued walking. He was deep in thought, his brows furrowed slightly. 

“Perhaps I can practice with you whilst I am here.” 

She had never practiced with anyone other than her trainer before. She said as much. 

“Practicing with other people is just as important as on your own. Your teacher should have known that.” He almost growled the sentence out.

“My teacher is the best in Terrasen, I think he knew what he was doing.” She sniped back. 

“If he has three hundred years of training behind him, then perhaps I’ll take your word for it.” 

Three hundred years. Was that how old he was? His face didn’t look like it was older than twenty-five at best. 

“I’m over three-hundred and fifty. If that’s what you were thinking.”

Holy Gods. 

She couldn’t reply as they stopped outside the door to her room. She merely bowed her head and slipped inside the room, leaving Rowan alone.


	4. Chances

Aelin had sat on her bed thinking of only Rowan. She had tried and failed to read a book, as well as braid her hair and even as far as trying to brush Fleetfoot’s coat. But no matter what she did, her mind wandered back to the Fae prince who was her soul-bonded. 

Her maids had knocked on the door an hour ago to dress her for dinner. She had wanted to form an excuse as to why she could not go, but nothing came to mind. And she was sure Aedion or Orlon, or both would come up here and drag her down either way. So she put on her finest gown and let the maids put her hair into a pretty updo and place the tiara on her head. And when she looked in the mirror she balked. Aelin knew she was pretty, as she’d been told by many suitors. But when she gazed at her reflection she really felt pretty. Her cheeks had a rosy glow to them and her eyes were bright. She felt good. 

The maids had let her stare in the mirror a few seconds longer before they ushered her away and down to the dining hall. Elspeth giving her a wink as she departed.

Aedion was at the door when she arrived, looking handsome in all his finery. He seemed to think the same as he grabbed her hand and spun her around before grinning. “You look… you look like a princess.” 

“Don’t you start.” She rolled her eyes.

“I look forward to hearing all about it later. The maids in the kitchen wouldn’t shut up about it.”

“What were you doing in the kitchen? Terrorising the cooks again?” She elbowed his side. 

“I haven’t done that since I was ten.” He elbowed her right back. “I was doing a favour for a friend.” 

“Oh, you mean you were doing whatever you could to get into Lysandra’s good graces? Honestly Aedion, you’d have an easier time winning Ren over than you do Lys.” 

“Very funny Aelin. Should I bring up all your successful relationships? Shall we talk about the mating bond now or later?” That lions grin crept up his face and Aelin didn’t know whether to start a brawl or to laugh along with him. 

“Careful Aedion, she could easily take you in a fight.” Her father stopped behind her, laughing quietly at their bickering. 

“Not without her flame she couldn’t.” Another grin.

“Settle down you two. We do have company. I don’t think they want to see the two of you bickering all night.” Her mothers words silenced them. Aelin poked her tongue out at Aedion as he poked her side, both of them earning stern looks from her parents. 

When they entered the hall Orlon had already been seated at the head of the table, Sellene at the other end. Dispersed along the table were a mixture of Whitethorn family members and spouses, along with members of the Terrasen royal family. Servers were showing everyone to their seats, but even so, Aelin made her way to the usual spot she took at functions such as these, when the server intercepted her before she could sit. 

“Your Highness, you will be seated here tonight.” She looked to the chair that had been pulled out for her and cringed. Sat in the chair to the left was Rowan. She glanced to Orlon who was actively avoiding eye contact, but she knew that he had been the one behind this little rearrangement. 

Despite her disapproval, Aelin sat and smoothed her dress as she did. Moments went by with silence, people around her chattering away. She tried and failed to meet the eyes or Orlon, instead she had the pleasure of Aedion laughing at her expense. She wasn’t going to give Aedion the upper hand tonight, so she decided to suck it up and turn to Rowan. 

“You clean up nicely.” As if he had not been dressed to the nines the first time she met him. 

“As do you, princess.” 

Silence. 

“Did you find your way to your rooms? The castle can be… large.” 

Since when had she become such a bumbling fool? 

“I did. I also had the chance to inspect the training facilities.” 

“Oh? And were they to your liking?” 

“They’re adequate. If you would be up to it we could use them tomorrow?” She hadn’t lied when she had told him she had never trained with anyone before. The only person had been her instructor, who had never really trained with her, more like watched and criticised. Her flame was more a party trick than anything, she wasn’t sure it would be that impressive using it in front of Rowan. But despite her reservations about the mating bond and him, she still agreed. 

Dinner went smoothly, their conversation remained strictly polite; talking about the food, the wine, the dessert. All too soon it was over and Aelin was thankful to be excused. 

She returned to her room and jumped at the sight of someone on her bed. Her flame immediately sprung from her fingers and she edged closer, only to sigh in relief when she saw Sam.

Sam?

“What the hell are you doing in here?” She quickly shut the door and lit the few candles and fireplace. 

“I needed to see you. Lysandra said you weren’t going to be able to see me for a few weeks… so I asked her to help me here.” 

“If someone catches you…” 

“I know, but I had to see you.” 

She stepped out of the slippers she wore and undid her hair letting it fall down her back. 

“You can’t be here Sam. I’m serious.” 

“I’ve never seen you dressed liked that. You look royal.” He smirked. 

“That’s because I am royal you fool.” She threw a cushion at him and then collapsed onto the sofa. “What is it Sam, that couldn’t wait until I came to you?” 

“I wanted to know if you’d thought my offer over again? I’ve found someone who will take over the library. And there’s a ship leaving for the Southern Continent in four weeks. It’s enough time to sort everything out, for you to—“ 

“I can’t, Sam.” 

He stopped where he had been pacing by the fire. “You… can’t?” 

Aelin’s body went hot and her pulse quickened. She loved Sam, but when she looked at him… there was no buzz. No spark. Not like what she had felt with Rowan. And she knew that was because of the mating bond… but it still meant something. Hadn’t she always known it was never going to be forever with Sam? Hadn’t her parents said the same thing to her? 

“I want to run away with you. Or I did… last night. But what would happen in sixty years? When you’re ageing and I’m still what I am now. What happens when you’re gone? I can’t come crawling back asking for the throne. Not after abandoning it like that. I have responsibilities, you know this.” She stood now. “My life is here Sam, it will be forever.” She turned to face him fully. “I love you, but my answer is no.” She choked on the last words. 

He stood there, staring into the flames. Neither of them said a word, the only sound came from the crackling of logs. 

Sam finally turned to her. “I had really hoped that you would give it all up. That what you told me about wanting to be free, wanting to live your own life, was true. That you would realise that your love for me was stronger than your love for this.” He gestured to the room, the palace, Terrasen. “I would give up everything for you Aelin. I would lose everything if it meant we could be together.” 

She was crying now. 

“And deep down, I thought maybe you would give up your immortality. Give up that side of you so we could have a normal life together.” Sam wiped tears from his own face, but still she said nothing. “I was never going to be good enough, was I?” 

Her heart cracked at his words. “You are enough Sam. But my country, my kingdom… it will always come first.” 

“Does the fact I would give it all up mean nothing to you?” 

“Of course it does! But I never asked you to do that. I told you from the beginning this would be temporary. We would continue as long as we could, but one day I would have to step up and be the person I have to be. For my kingdom, for my family… and for me.” 

He slid his hands down his face, despair in his eyes. “I should have known better.” 

“What’s that even supposed to mean?” She was angry now. 

“It means that I was right when I first met you. You are spoiled and selfish and only care for yourself. Maybe it’s a good thing it’s ending now. I’ll save myself the pain in the future.” 

His words stung. Sam had been angry at her before, but he had never been cruel. A knock at the door had them both freezing. 

“Aelin? Is everything okay?” Rowan. What was he doing here?

“Everything is fine.” Sam was staring at her, then at the door, trying to put it together. She didn’t take her eyes of Sam, he stared right back. Neither of them said a word until Sam gave a slight shake of his head and made off through the balcony doors and out into the night. She didn’t look away even as Rowan knocked at the door once more. 

“You might as well come in.” She sighed. 

The door creaked open, slowly at first, and then wider as he let himself in. Rowan left the door ajar, letting her know he had good intentions, whatever they were.

“What are you doing here?” She glanced once more at the balcony doors, sure that Sam was far enough away.

“I could… smell something was wrong.”

Right. The Fae senses. 

“It’s nothing, just a sad book.” 

“I’d believe that if it wasn’t just you I could scent.” 

He could smell Sam. 

“Rowan…”

“I have no claim over you, so what you do is none of my business. But I had to check you weren’t in danger.” Her heart panged in her chest, warmth spreading at his protectiveness. She returned to the sofa and motioned for Rowan to join her. She beckoned the guard outside and requested tea for them both. She could see Rowan’s hesitation as he debated whether this was a good idea.

“The door will remain open, no funny business, don’t worry.” She gave him her signature grin and he relaxed as he came to sit next to her. They had been closer at dinner, but the intimacy of them both being in her room… it was new and strange to her. Sam had never been in here. 

“Was the male…” He trailed off.

“He’s my… was my—“ she cringed at the next words. “Was my lover.” 

He flinched at the word, she felt his jealousy even if he did not fully show it. 

“You’re not planning on courting me for these few weeks just to reject me?”

“That was not what I was planning on doing.” Aelin continued. “To be honest, I didn’t know what I was planning to do. I’ve never been in this situation before.” She picked some lint from her skirts. 

“You loved him?” 

She gave a small nod. “He asked me leave with him, to runaway. Head to the Southern Continent, to build a life there. I didn’t give him an answer, so he came here to get one.” She didn’t dare look Rowan in the eyes. “I told him I couldn’t do it, and he said some things… and then he left.” 

“Did he hurt you?” A guttural growl. 

“No! Not physically. He would never hurt me. He’s just upset that I said no, that’s all.” 

Aelin’s own voice was low, sad. The maid entered the room carrying a tray of tea and sweets, she placed it on the low table in front of them and gave a small curtsey before scurrying away. 

“Do they always look terrified around you?” He picked up a cup and poured some of the herbal tea in. 

“They do not look terrified!” She swatted his arm. “My maids love me, I let them eat sweets with me and I always give them gifts on holidays.” 

Rowan’s eyes glittered with laughter, his body relaxing into the sofa. “Well, she looked like she couldn’t get away fast enough.” 

“If she looked terrified it’s because you’re in here looking grumpy.” Rowan barked a laugh and Aelin could’ve sworn it was one of the loveliest sounds she had ever heard. 

Rowan stayed for another two cups of tea and then politely excused himself, but promising Aelin that he would see her tomorrow for training. 

She went to sleep that night, not thinking of her fight with Sam, and the way that they had ended; but of Rowan and those pine green eyes.


	5. Fire and Ice

Aelin woke the next morning feeling surprisingly light. Her mind wasn’t weighed down with Sam, or with court politics… or even the fact that her mate was here. No. She woke and was excited for the day. 

She bounded out of bed before the maids had arrived in her rooms and quickly washed and dressed herself. She hadn’t bothered with fancy clothes, she had picked out a simple tunic and pants. If she was training with Rowan then she wanted to be practical. 

She didn’t waste time with going to the dining hall, Orlon and her parents already seated and sipping their tea. None of them said a word as she sat at the table and piled her plate with pastries. The silence did not last long as her father finally put his tea down and looked towards her. 

“We should talk about what happened yesterday, Aelin.” Her mother gave her a smile of apology. 

“We already did.” She shrugged, her excitement turning into something that felt a lot like dread. 

“We never discussed a way forward. How we will deal with your mating and—“ 

“I appreciate your concern, but this is something that I need to navigate on my own. I will keep you updated on things you need to know, but let me do this by myself.” Her parents looked to each other, Orlon still chewing on his breakfast. “I am old enough to look after myself.” She smiled softly at her parents, her mother looking like she might cry. 

“If it’s any consolation Aelin, I think Rowan Whitethorn would make a delightful King consort.” Orlon grinned, knowing his words would ruffle her. 

“On that note, I’m going to the training ground. I will speak with you all later.” She snatched a couple of pastries from her plate and left, stopping to say good morning to a few people as she did. 

She had made it all of ten steps when Aedion fell into a walk beside her. “So you have a mate?” 

“Don’t you have somewhere else to be, Aedion? Like tormenting Lysandra or dealing with stuffy royals.” She kept walking straight, down the steps and into the crisp morning air. 

“I believe stuffy royal duties don’t start for another hour.” 

She huffed. 

“Are you really not going to talk about it?” 

“Theres nothing to talk about.” She spotted the stone archway that led to the training ground, the spot thankfully empty of any prying eyes. 

“So I shouldn’t start making banners for your mating ceremony?” 

She glared at Aedion who was smiling from ear to ear. He knew exactly how ro rub her the wrong way. “Stay out of it Aedion. When I want to talk about it, I will.” 

He put his hands up in surrender, retreating a few steps. “I just want to make sure my cousin is okay; you can’t get angry at me for that.” He turned back towards the palace, his golden hair glowing in the sunlight. “Let me know if I need to have words with him.” She watched as he retreated back into the castle, no doubt to update her parents. 

She continued the short walk to the training ground and immediately spotted Rowan on the far side. He was dressed similar to herself, plain white tunic and pants that she couldn’t help but notice hugged his thighs spectacularly. And though neither of them had accepted the bond, she could feel the pull of him. The way her body and soul was drawn to the silver-haired male. She hadn’t even got half away across the grounds when he looked up and gave her a smile that may have affected her more than she wished to admit. 

As she approached she got a whiff of his scent and she shivered at the smell. Pine and snow. 

The smell of Terrasen. 

She struggled to find words as she stopped before him. But she managed a smile and he returned it with his own. 

“I didn’t know the extent of your abilities so I thought maybe we could start out simple. Just throw our magic at each other and shield?” She nodded and they took their places in the middle the courtyard. She summoned her flame into her hands and Rowan looked pleasantly surprised as she pushed the flame forward, towards him. It bounced right off his shield and the flame flickered out as he suffocated it with his magic. He sent daggers of ice at her next, she barely had time to summon a shield as they smacked into it and tendrils of steam floated up as they hit the shimmering shield.

Fire and ice. It was poetic in a way, two opposites bound together by fate.

They continued sparring until Aelin could feel the tug of a burnout. It never took much, but she always knew when to stop. Rowan sensed her imminent burnout too and halted his spear of ice. A cool breeze— curtesy of Rowan she realised— blew around the courtyard, cooling the fire in her veins.

“For someone who claims to be trained, your burnout came on fast.” He went to the small fountain and splashed water over his face, the droplets running down his neck, further, she had to turn away before he noticed a shift in her scent. From the subtle cough from Rowan, she knew he had probably already done so. “You have some control over the fire, but you need to be quicker. The shields are too slow to appear and too weak to really defend yourself.” 

“Good thing I don’t actually need to defend myself.” She strutted over to the same fountain and copied his movements. Splashing some water on her face and arms. “I only use my fire for practical purposes.” It was Rowan’s turn to turn away she noted with a smug smile. He recovered quickly and looked to her once again. 

“You always need to know how to defend yourself.” 

“Terrasen hasn’t seen a war in hundreds of years.” 

“War isn’t the only time you might need to defend yourself. What if you are attacked whilst out riding, or in the city, or—“ 

“I get your point.” Aelin perched on the bench and watched as Rowan stretched. “I suppose you’ll have to teach me then.” She had enjoyed their training this morning, it had been easy and almost natural falling into the sparring. Their magic had danced around each other, had sung to the other. And if she was being honest, she had enjoyed his company. 

Rowan continued his stretching as he replied. “I’ll be here every morning. We can practice then.” 

And they did. For the next week Aelin and Rowan would meet by the archway and they would train for two hours each morning. Neither said much, but it was comfortable. They had slipped into the routine easily. Some mornings Aedion would watch, sometimes Rowan’s cousins would spar alongside them, other times it was just the two of them. It was the only time they had really spent together alone. She had made a point to avoid any chaperoned walks or rides or whatever her father was deeming appropriate. She didn’t need the eyes of guards and her parents watching her every move with Rowan. 

On the second day of training they had ended up in the morning room, where they had drunk tea and discussed their lives; they never went too deep, but she liked the way Rowan told stories, she liked hearing his voice and how his eyes would brighten when he talked about his friends in Doranelle. Conversation seemed to flow easy with them. And every day they spent together, the tug she felt got stronger. 

Despite their new routine, they had never spent much time outside the palace, or at least anywhere that would allow them to be completely alone. Which is why, when Rowan had knocked on her door that evening asking if she would like to go for a walk, she agreed.


	6. Storms

She had been reading a smutty romance book in bed when Rowan had knocked at the door. It wasn’t late enough that it was strange someone was knocking at her door, but she had assumed it would be Lysandra or Aedion, so she had been surprised to see Rowan standing there. 

She had observed him over the last week, during training, during dinners and lunches, during their morning chats, and she had come to the conclusion that he did not like to smile. It was such a small observation to remember, but in her week of knowing him she could recall only a handful of smiles; and now she thought about it… most of them had been aimed towards her. 

“I know it’s late, but I was going to go for a walk, and I thought perhaps you would join me?” 

She had to admit, the sound of being alone with Rowan was appealing. The more time she spent with him the more she found herself longing for the time she could spend with him again.

“A walk sounds lovely.” She slipped on the boots that had been thrown on the floor with a wave of her hand had snuffed the candles and fire out in her room. 

They walked in comfortable silence as they made their way through the palace, thankfully bumping into no one. The night was cooler than it had been in a while, the moon hidden behind thin wispy clouds. They wound their way down the sprawling gardens, past the training ground and towards the forest edge. The path extended through the forest, lit with small faelights and as they headed towards the trees she couldn’t help but feel the butterflies that erupted in her stomach. Perhaps Rowan had sensed her sudden nervousness or he wanted to fill the silence. “Do you like it here? In Terrasen?” 

She wasn’t sure anyone had asked her that before, but she didn’t hesitate in her answer. “I love it. I mean, of course I wish to see other places and experience new cultures… but Terrasen is my home, it always will be.” She glanced towards him. “What about you? Do you like Doranelle?” It felt like a loaded question. If they accepted the mating bond Rowan would have to move to Orynth, and if he loved Doranelle… 

Rowan contemplated the question for a moment, his brows furrowing slightly. “I have been to many places in my life, seen every country on this continent. Doranelle is…” He thought for a moment longer. “Doranelle has never felt completely like home.” 

She felt his sadness for a moment, before it disappeared. “Why do you stay there? I mean, if you are not bound to it… why not move somewhere new?” 

“I had my reasons for staying I suppose. I had been a warrior for the old queen of Doranelle… and had been married.” 

She flinched at his words. She had not expected to be affected by his past relationships… but married.

“She died a hundred years ago.” She saw the sadness that had flickered so quickly return. She did not know what possessed her to do it, but she grabbed his hand and squeezed. The touch was gentle but somehow her whole body was awake and she was basking in this glorious male before her. She could have sworn he shivered at her touch. Neither of them went to let go, and so they continued in silence for a few steps, their fingers entwined. The simple touch was electrifying and her magic hummed within her. 

She finally said, “what happened to her?” 

“She was murdered by a group of men who had strayed from their military base.” He tightened his grip on her hand. “I was not there, and she died because she did not know how to protect herself.” 

It made sense then. Why he had been so pushy about her learning how to defend herself. “I’m sorry.”

“It was a long time ago.” 

She shrugged. “Loss like that sticks with you. Aedion’s mother was like my own and when she died… I don’t think I’ve ever quite got over it.” 

They settled into the comfortable silence again, slowly meandering through the forest path. The night was quiet, the humming of summer evenings had disappeared giving way to the stillness of autumn, even the creatures that roamed the forest floor had gone into hibernation, sheltering from the harsh Terrasen winter that was to come. 

“I’d like to have a proper evening with you. Not training where everyone sits and watches, or morning tea where the maids gawk at us. I want to take you to dinner or to the theatre.” Rowan had stopped, turning to her, his hand still entwined with her own. “I don’t know how to do this properly.” He laughed. 

“Dinner or the theatre sounds wonderful, Rowan.” She squeezed his hand and they gazed at each other. She had felt the bond there the past week. His presence was always lingering, even if they weren’t in the same room. And despite their distance, or rather, Aelin’s distance to Rowan, she still felt the pull of him. Training in the mornings had unintentionally become her favourite thing to do. When she was in meetings or entertaining other Whitethorns; she would always think of their mornings together. The way their magic seemed to dance together, how it seemed to play. Rowan had never mentioned their magic in that way. In fact, Rowan was not really a talker… She had realised that he just liked to observe. Whenever she caught herself staring, he would be staring right back— not always at her, but others. In one of his rare cases of openness he had explained you could learn a lot about a person by just watching them. She didn’t mind his quietness, in fact sometimes the silence was nice. 

“What are you thinking about?” They had continued their stroll, hands still entwined. 

She smiled sheepishly at him. “You.” 

She felt their bond then, a real, tangible thing between them. Her initial reservations seemed to be miles away as she walked with Rowan. 

“If it’s any consolation, I think of you as well.” He squeezed her hand. “You’re… not what I expected.” 

She heard that a lot. “Better or worse?” 

“Definitely better.” They stopped at a gate that led to the cobbled road into the city. “The only things I knew about you were that you were young, could have a bit of a temper and the heir to Terrasen’s throne.” 

“I didn’t realise I had such a boring reputation.” 

Rowan laughed. “You have plenty of time to change that.” 

They remained in silence as they both gazed at the distant city lights. 

“Are you disappointed it’s me?” 

Rowan turned fully toward her. She hadn’t intended to ask; but he was over three hundred years old and she was barely twenty. Rowan had travelled the world and she had only left Terrasen a handful of times. It was hard to see how Rowan would see her as anything other than a girl.

“Is that what you think? That I’m disappointed?” He ran his free hand through his locks and shook his head. “When I lost Lyria I thought that was it. I was ready to spend the rest of my life alone, always mourning what I had lost that day.” He took a breath. “And then I saw you in that throne room and I had purpose again. I look at you Aelin and I feel alive. And I know you want to take things slow; and I will respect that. But it’s taking all of my strength not shout it to the world that you’re my mate. Every part of me wants to confirm the bond and be with you as I’m meant to be. Disappointed is the last thing I feel, I am elated that it is you. And I will wait for as long as you need, even when this world is a forgotten whisper of dust I will wait for you.” 

Aelin did not know when she had begun to cry, but she felt the tears drip on her cheeks and she went still as Rowan gently brushed them away. His calloused hand so tender as he did. She leaned into his touch, revelling in the closeness. 

“Aelin?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Can I kiss you?” 

She looked up at him, his eyes hopeful. He was magnificent, Aelin thought she could look at him forever. She didn’t need to think about her answer. This male in front of her was her forever, and she would be a complete fool to let him go. To think she had been hesitant of him, of this. 

“Please do.” She half cried half laughed. 

Rowan laughed with her and leaned in closer, his hands coming to cradle her face. His touch so feather light it made her shiver. Her heart began to race, it was the calm before the storm. She could feel his breath on her lips, her eyes fluttered closed, and the world went still at that whisper of a kiss. The world went quiet, like the silence between lightening and thunder. They were so close, so close to that kiss she had not even realised she had dreamed of. She had never wanted something so much, the waiting was insanity. 

“Aelin?” 

The thunder came. 

Sam stood on the other side of the gate.


	7. The Fall Out

Aelin jumped back from Rowan, stumbling slightly as she increased the space between them. Her heart was beating erratically as she took in a disheveled, slightly out of breath Sam in front of her. His eyes were wide as he took in Rowan— who was staring right back at him. She struggled to create a coherent sentence as she assessed the situation. 

“Aelin?” It was Rowan this time, stepping towards her again. She could sense his silent rage, whether at being interrupted or that there was another male nearby, she didn’t know. 

“I can’t believe this.” Sam mumbled quietly. With both hers and Rowan’s Fae hearing, it was clear as day what he had said. 

Still, Aelin did not say a word. She knew how it would look to Sam. That she was with another male only a week after they had ended things with each other; and Sam wouldn’t understand that it was completely out of her control, that the mating bond was not something she could pick and choose— fate was in charge. And currently it seemed that fate had a sick sense of humour

“It didn’t take you long, did it?” He let out a pained laugh. 

“I would be careful what you say to your future queen.” Rowan was by her side, his rage building with each moment Sam was here. She could feel his magic simmering, her own doing the same. 

“I’ll speak to her in any manner I wish. Who are you to tell me what I should do?” The gate still separated them; she feared if it had not been there Rowan would have already been on Sam, tackling him to the ground. Although she knew that if Rowan wished it, Sam would be on the floor already, merely using his magic. 

“I’m her—“ 

Aelin silenced Rowan with a look. “Sam let me explain.” 

Sam shook his head, “Clearly I’ve been stupid and you’ve just been messing with me.” Sam looked between her and Rowan and she could see him trying to add it up, to see what he missed. When he couldn’t stand the sight of them he turned, moving back towards the city. 

“Sam, please wait.” Aelin was opening the gate and rushing to him. She grabbed his hand as she approached and pulled him to stop. “It isn’t…” she couldn’t find the words to explain, to tell Sam that she hadn’t intended to hurt him, to let him find out like this. 

“It isn’t what? What it looks like?” He laughed again, yanking his hand from her grip as he did, like he was disgusted at the contact. “Save me the sob story, I don’t care.” 

Aelin could feel the tears, could feel her heartbreaking all over again. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that Sam had to be collateral damage, that she had fallen in love with him, and let Sam fall in love with her, only to break his heart. 

She tried to grab his hand, Sam moving away before she could. “He’s my mate Sam, there was nothing I could do!” She had started to cry now, too many tears were being shed over this. She couldn’t remember the last time she had cried this much. She stood in the middle of the path, Sam facing her again. His face held no emotion as he watched her cry, he didn’t flinch when her sobs turned louder and she choked his name out. 

Rowan came to her, his arms going around her, cradling her as she begged Sam not to walk away. 

“I’m not the one who walked away, Aelin.” He approached her, his expression stormy, the love and adoration that had once been, gone. “You are dead to me.” 

She tried to grab the edges of his coat, trying to stop him from leaving. She was begging and crying and she was wriggling out of Rowan’s arms, guilt overwhelmed her. A queen to be, grovelling for at the feet of a man. Sam gave her one last look. He did not care that she was on her knees begging for forgiveness, he did not care as he dropped the gift he had given her in the dust; and he did not look back as he strode into the night, his figure slowly fading just like their love. 

Aelin remained where she was for what felt like hours, the night air turning chillier as the clouds gathered above, spots of rain splashing on the dusty cobblestones. She shivered, and barely felt the weight of Rowan’s jacket as he slid it over her shoulders. 

“We should go back.” Rowan was beside her now, his gaze upon her. “I’m sorry, Aelin.” He tried to place his hand upon her shoulder, trying to soothe her pain. She felt the pang of guilt as she shrugged his hand off. She stood on shaky legs and turned back to the forest path, the faelights dimmer than before, cloaking the path in shadows. 

She didn’t acknowledge Rowan as he walked behind her, keeping a few steps distance. His presence was a solid wall, and she knew she was punishing him, as well as herself by not talking, but she did not care. She could not find it in her to care that she had made a fool of herself in front of Rowan, that she had cried and begged for another male whilst her own mate was stood beside her. She did not have it in herself to feel guilty or apologise. She kept walking. 

The forest was still, even the wind was merely a whisper in the darkness. The only sound was their muted footsteps on the mossy path. 

It had been her fault of course, that any of this had happened. She should have told Sam no. From the beginning, she should have told him that there would be no happy ending for them. But she was selfish, she was young and she wanted him, so she got him. Aelin did not give a second thought in involving herself with Sam; not when Orlon had warned her against it; not when Lysandra had held her as she cried and told her it would be sensible to leave him; she had even held onto Sam when her Gods-damned mate was stood right in front of her. 

She was selfish and she knew that the Gods would punish her for what she had done. But she deserved it. She deserved whatever came to her. 

The palace was nearing, the faelights illuminating the white walls. The windows inside were dark, most people would be asleep by now. The guards did not say anything as she marched up the stairs and into the hallway, Rowan close behind. 

“I can walk you to your rooms.” 

“No. I want to be alone.” She didn’t give him a chance to answer as she left him in the hall, alone. 

As her steps got further and further away, she let the tears fall once again. 

~ ~ ~ ~   
Aelin did not wake when the maids came in the next morning, nor did she answer to the concerned voices of her parents, or Aedion, or Lysandra. She did not move from her curled position in the bed, staring out into the grey world beyond. The rain had come that morning, the heavens opening wide. The rain drove into her window, she watched as the droplets raced down the panes and then disappeared into nothing. She kept thinking of Sam, and then her guilt for what she did to him turned into guilt for Rowan, for her mate who was willing to watch as she pined after another. The cycle never ended and she wished it would stop. 

Time passed in a blur, maids came in to leave food on the low table by the couch, replacing her untouched breakfast. It felt like moments later when they returned and replaced it with dinner, lighting her candles and fireplace before they left. Aelin couldn’t stand the flame, quickly snuffing it out with her own magic, plunging her room back into darkness. 

“Fireheart?” Her mother waited beyond the door. “Can I come in?” 

Aelin remained silent. Only blinking into the darkness. 

The door opened, her mother carrying a small candle and a guard behind her who placed a small plate on the dresser. 

“Oh Fireheart.” 

Aelin’s chest squeezed at the endearment, she could feel the tears threatening once more, could feel the emotions of yesterday bubbling up to the surface. 

She could barely get the words out, her throat dry and scratchy. “Did Rowan tell you?” 

Her mother came to perch on the edge of her bed, a hand coming to brush over Aelin’s hair. “No. He’s gone back to Doranelle for some urgent business.”

Aelin sucked in a breath, painfully aware of the stretching the bond. Something she had not been paying attention to, something she had not wanted to pay attention to. 

“He’s gone?”

Evalin stilled her hand. “He didn’t tell you?” 

“No.” 

“Aelin, what happened last night?” 

She didn’t answer.

“I’m worried about you Fireheart. You haven’t done this since Aedion’s mother—“ 

“I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll be fine tomorrow.” 

Her mother sighed, but did not press her further. She stood and laid a single kiss on her head before stepping towards the door. 

“There’s some chocolate cake on the dresser, I know it’s your favourite.” 

She slipped through the door, murmuring something to whoever was on the other side. Aelin didn’t bother to listen as she closed her eyes and prayed that sleep would take her away. 

~ ~ ~ ~  
Aelin woke in the morning to the sounds of birds, and Fleetfoot pawing at the balcony doors. The sun had returned and she squinted against its rays, cursing herself for not shutting the curtains. 

“Alright Fleetfoot, I’m coming.” 

She strode to the balcony doors barely being able to open them before Fleetfoot bounded out, barking as she did. Aelin followed her out, the pale stone cool on her feet. 

It was a fresh morning, the way it always is after a day of rain, the heavy dew settling on the leaves and grass. She leant on the wall, closing her eyes and letting the sun warm her. Fleetfoot began to whine again, scratching at the balcony rail. Aelin cast her gaze to where Fleetfoot was staring and caught herself looking at a white tailed hawk. They were extremely rare this close to the city, she’d seen only two in her life. It felt like the hawk stared back, only seconds later flying off into the blue sky. 

Fleetfoot quickly lost interest and padded back inside, Aelin not far behind. Aedion was perched on the couch when she entered the room. He flipped through the pages of whatever book had been lying there.

“I didn’t realise we could take a day off whenever we wanted.” He let the book fall from his hand and onto the empty space next to him. “Thank you for yesterday, by the way. I had to do double royal babysitting whilst you were doing… whatever you were doing.” 

She ignored him as she went to her wardrobe to pull out a dark navy dress, striding into her washroom and shutting the door behind her. 

“You cannot ignore me forever. I’m going to stay here until you talk to me.” 

She rolled her eyes as she splashed some water on her face, waiting for the tub to fill with water. It wasn’t long until she was submerged in the warm soapy water, the smell of lemon verbena filling her nose. She could still hear Aedion outside, moving around the room. She closed her eyes and ignored him as she soaked in the water, feeling the muck and stress of the past few days release. She stayed there for a while longer, letting the water go lukewarm. She emerged dripping from the tub, shivering at the temperature. There were perks of having fire as her magic; drying off was always easy. She changed at a leisurely pace, slipping into the velvet dress and braiding her hair before stepping back into the bedroom. 

“Do you always bathe for that long?” 

“Only when you’re in here waiting for me.” 

Aedion rolled his eyes. 

“You have my undivided attention now Aedion. What do you want?”

He straightened the lapels of his jacket, brushing some non-existent dirt from his sleeve. He was stalling, nervous for whatever reason. “I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.” His voice softened, his shoulders falling slightly.

She smiled brightly. “I’m fine.” 

“Considering how you were yesterday…” 

Aelin didn’t want to hear it, she didn’t need to hear it. She would move on, she would forget about Sam, she would apologise to Rowan and—

Rowan wasn’t here. 

It was like she had blocked out her mothers words from the previous night. Her mind not wanting to process more pain. He had left. She had driven Rowan away.

Aedion sensed the shift in her mood, sensed that she had started to spiral again. 

“He’ll come back Aelin.” 

She didn’t respond.

“You’re his mate, that means something.” 

She collapsed onto a chair, head in her hands. She groaned. “I fucked up Aedion.” 

Aedion knelt down in front of her, he brought his hands to her own and gently pulled them away from her face. “We’ll fix it. We always do. Whatever happened, it’ll be okay.” 

She sniffed. “I don’t want to marry some stuffy foreign royal! I want—“ She choked on the words. 

“I know.” Aedion squeezed her hands. “He’ll come back.”


	8. Distractions

Aelin tried to busy herself in the coming days. She would wake just as the sun bathed the palace in its soft glow; when the world was still and all was quiet. She would leave her rooms, and would run for miles, until her lungs were burning and her legs sore. She would bathe and eat breakfast in her room, usually on her own, but sometimes with Aedion or Lysandra. No one mentioned Rowan or their curiosity to what had happened. 

Aelin had not gone back to training with her magic, something always feeling off, like she was missing a piece of herself— it wasn’t hard to figure out what that could be— nonetheless she avoided using it. 

The days meandered on, passing by with little excitement. Her afternoons were spent looking after the other Whitethorn family members or joining Orlon in meetings. Aelin found the monotony of meetings kept her mind from wandering too far into itself— they kept her from thinking of the gaping hole that was left in the absence of Rowan. 

It had been nine days since his departure and she couldn’t deny the ache in her chest. She still did not know the real reason for his leaving. Endymion had said it was urgent business, but wouldn’t state what business, and Sellene wouldn’t even see Aelin alone, only acknowledging her existence at dinners or to deliver glum looks in passing. So Aelin tried to forget, giving herself no time or opportunity to sulk over Rowan or Sam. 

The weekend proved difficult when she couldn’t busy herself with court dealings, but she found solace in Lysandra and their rides through the mountains. Which is where she found herself, bundled up in fur and leathers, teeth trembling at the bitterly cold wind that was blowing against the two of them as they made their way up the steep mountain path. 

“Tell me again why this was a good idea?” Lysandra said. Her voice muffled by the maroon scarf she had wrapped up to her nose. 

“It’s good to get fresh air. Plus the sunsets are beautiful from up here at this time of year.” Aelin could feel her toes going numb, she’d already lost the feeling in the tips of her fingers. 

Lysandra let out a huff, her sandy horse doing the same. “I could’ve been curled up by the fire devouring the almond tart that Aedion got me.” 

Aelin rolled her eyes. She would never admit it to Lysandra, but she too, wanted to be bundled by the crackling fire with a good book and a hot cup of tea. She would never admit it though. 

“It’s only a few minutes longer, Lys.” She could already see the final curve in the road that led to a ruined temple; abandoned hundreds of years ago, but still in good enough condition to go in and watch the sun as it would flood the inside with a golden glow. She imagined the temple was built there for that specific reason. 

“Is there a reason you’re not heating us both up with your fire? I could really do with that right about now.” 

Lysandra was right of course, but Aelin hadn’t touched her magic, and every time she went to use it, she froze, her magic nowhere to be seen. “We’re building character. It’s good for us.” 

“I have plenty of character already.” Lysandra pulled the scarf up higher, her emerald eyes squinting. “Please tell me that’s the top.” 

The temple was in front of them now, the grey stone crumbling in places, ivy and plants swallowing the walls in their green claws; winding their way into the cracks and crevices. 

“This place is so creepy.” Lysandra hopped of her horse, inspecting their surroundings. “I hate it.” 

“Stop being such a baby. There’s literally nothing here Lys.” Aelin followed suit, jumping from her own horse and following Lysandra inside. 

The ceilings were high, a huge dome rose above them as they entered the central part of the temple. The floors were once white marble, the walls covered in markings that had become indistinguishable. Tall pillars of stone circled the outer edge of the room, plants curling around them. Aelin could almost imagine the beauty that this once would have been. Towards the other side of the room a tall window stood, the view looking over the meadows and forests that eventually turned into the sparkling waters of the sea. The sun had started sinking into the horizon and Aelin lent on the ledge of the window, basking in the last rays, watching as the sky changed colours. 

“Okay, so maybe it was worth it.” Lysandra had come to lean next to her, her friend staring out to the world beyond. The two of them silent as they watched the sun sink lower and lower, disappearing for another day. Lysandra broke the silence first. “I have something to tell you.”

Aelin looked to her, curious. 

“I slept with Aedion.” Aelin didn’t reply as Lysandra continued. “We had been into Orynth to go dancing with a few friends. I had planned on leaving earlier, but they all convinced me to stay… so I did.” Lysandra sighed. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. But we were the last to leave, and he walked me to my room and I invited him in; and… you know.” 

Aelin mulled it over. “You know you could’ve told me sooner. You went dancing last week.” 

Lysandra shrugged. “You were preoccupied with Rowan and Sam,” she flinched at the names, but Lysandra continued. “I didn’t want you to think my problems were more important.” 

Aelin couldn’t help but let the guilt rise up. “Your problems are just as important!” She faced Lysandra. “I don’t care if my life is a shit-show right now. I will always have time to listen to you. Always.” 

Lysandra smiled. “I know, but I’m pretty sure your problems trump mine anyway” 

Aelin huffed. “I would much rather not talk about my problems.” She turned back to the sunset. “Have you spoken to Aedion?” 

“We haven’t spoken about what happened, if that’s what you mean. But we’ve talked, yes.” Lysandra twirled a strand of hair. “I don’t think he wants to scare me off. I think he’s worried I regret what happened.” 

“And do you?” Aelin asked. 

“Yes. No… I don’t know.” Lysandra pushed off the window ledge and leant back against the wall. “Everything is so complicated with us. He’s been chasing me for so long… and I’ve finally given in; and now I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” She looked at Aelin. “Does he want it to be casual? Does he want to be in a relationship?” 

Aelin let out a laugh. “Lys, he literally told you he would marry you one day. I think it’s pretty obvious what he wants.”

She groaned in response. “That doesn’t help! He might have been joking!” 

“Gods above. He is in love with you Lysandra! I think he has been from the moment you tried to fight me when we were twelve.” 

Lysandra smiled at the memory. “I would’ve won if it hadn’t been for your father interrupting.” 

Aelin chuckled, Lysandra had been a force to be reckoned with when she was younger. 

The two remained silent for a while longer, dusk falling over the landscape. 

“Have you heard from Rowan?” 

“No.”

“He’ll come around. You’re mates, he won’t be able to stay away for long.” 

Aelin wasn’t so sure about that. “I really messed up. Like catastrophically.” 

“It can’t have been that bad.” 

“I was practically crawling after Sam, bawling my eyes out, begging him not to leave.” She started to pace. “Rowan just stood there, he just watched as I begged for another man. And when he tried to offer some comfort, I refused. I turned down my own mate because— because…” she didn’t know. Pride? Embarrassment? Stubbornness?

“Sam meant a lot to you, and you didn’t want him finding out about Rowan that way.” Lysandra thought for a moment. “Life is messy and unpredictable; and so maybe this didn’t go exactly the way you planned it. But you’re still here, you still have a family that adore you, friends that would do practically anything for you. You just have to give Rowan time, give Sam time. They’ll both understand eventually.” 

“I hope you’re right.” 

“Of course I am.” She smiled. “You know what? I think with everything that has happened we need a night in the city, just us women. We’ll see if Elide can tear herself away from Lorcan and then we can get absolutely plastered in town and forget all of the crap in our lives.” 

“My parents will never let me go out without guards.” 

“They can stand at the doors, or sit at another table making sure you’re fine. I don’t care, we just need to let loose, have some fun!” 

Aelin hesitated just a second before squeezing her eyes together and letting out a long groan. “Fine. For a couple of hours tops. I want to be in bed by midnight.” 

“Anything you wish, old lady.”

Lysandra grabbed Aelin and led her to the horses. The mountains were cloaked in darkness, the night air cold. They rode back to the castle in record speed, Aelin heading straight to her rooms to change. She knew this was a bad idea. Going into the city on the busiest night of the week… going drinking. But maybe it would be a good thing. She could forget about her problems for the night, relax with her friends for the first time in forever. Aelin pulled out the first dress from her wardrobe, an emerald green gown with gold lining the cuffs of the sleeves. She threw off her old clothes and dressed quickly, giving her hair a quick brush letting it fall in golden waves down her back. 

Elide was the first to knock on her door. She looked lovely in a simple blue gown, her hair piled on the top of her head, small silver ribbons running through. 

“Lorcan was adamant about keeping us safe… so he’ll be chaperoning tonight.” 

Aelin barked out a laugh. “He couldn’t bear to let you go?” 

“Something like that.” She smiled timidly, moving to the couch. “He won’t bother us.” 

Lysandra entered at that moment, her red dress low and revealing. “Are we ready? I could do with some wine.” 

Aelin gave a look to Elide, who returned it with her own. The three of them made their way down to the foyer where five guards were waiting, as well as a sullen looking Lorcan, and her parents.

“Remember to stick together.” Her mother said as she fussed over Aelin’s hair. “Don’t drink too much, and please be safe.” She kissed Aelin’s brow. 

“Stop fussing! We’ll be fine.” Aelin swatted her mother’s hands away as she looked to her father who was chuckling at her mother. 

“Just be careful.” 

Elide and Lysandra started to lead the way, the doors of the palace opening to reveal a carriage waiting for them outside. 

“Remember to pay your tab! We don’t need a bill being sent here and then having to explain to Darrow why you spent so much gold on wine.” Her father called out as they were climbing into the carriage. 

“Did anyone bring any gold?” Lysandra laughed as the doors closed.

Aelin couldn’t help herself but laugh too. Gold had been the last thing on her mind as she had hastily got dressed. 

“Looks like we’ll be explaining to Darrow.” 

The carriage jolted forward as it began its journey. The city was close enough that it would take only ten minutes at most to reach it. Aelin was excited to go out, despite her reservations, she was looking forward to spending time with her friends. It had seemed that over the last couple of weeks she had neglected them and she had forgotten how nice it felt— to be with people who weren’t foreign royals or generals or mercenaries. She could feel herself starting to relax as they neared the city. 

The tavern they had picked was not by any means fancy, nor was it the worst that Orynth had to offer. But it was nice enough, and it had enough privacy that they could sit in a booth and not be bothered by people. As soon as the barmaid saw who was entering the tavern a bottle of their finest wine was brought to their table. 

Lysandra lifted her glass. “I’d like to make a toast.” 

Aelin and Elide lifted their glasses in unison, waiting for Lysandra to continue. “To my two best friends who I love and adore. Thank you for putting up with me and joining in with my impulsive ideas. Cheers!” She lifted her glass to her lips and took a sip, the others following suit. 

They remained in the booth whilst they polished off the first and second bottles of wine. They chatted about everything and nothing. Elide telling them about her newlywed life with Lorcan, whilst Lysandra prattled on about Aedion. Aelin mostly stayed silent, chipping in here and there with jokes or comments. By the end of the second bottle she had started to feel tipsy, her body going light and she found the lure of the music and the dance floor too much to resist. Lysandra and Elide refused at first, claiming they needed more to drink; so Aelin had marched up to the bar and ordered their strongest liquor, taking it back to the table and demanding they all drink. 

It didn’t take long for it to kick in; and soon enough they were all up in the middle of the tavern, laughing and spinning to the music. Aelin couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so free… so light. The music changed to another upbeat song, Aelin joining hands with Elide and Lysandra, dancing in circles, her head to the ceiling, smiling from ear to ear. 

They stayed dancing for a while longer, going back to the table a few times to swig some more wine that they had ordered. Not long after that Elide claimed she was going to be sick if she continued, Lysandra agreeing and the three of them going to sit. A guard came over shortly after exclaiming it was late and they should leave, much to the protests of Lysandra. 

So they headed back to the carriage, Lorcan looking relieved that they were finally leaving. Even the guards looked happy at their exit. They scrambled into the carriage, giggling and breathless. 

“I am drunk.” Elide said as the carriage pulled away. 

“I’m hungry.” Lysandra leant her head against the side of the carriage, her eyes watching the scenery pass. 

“We should raid the kitchen when we get back.” Aelin suggested. 

“I still want to devour that piece of almond tart Aedion left me.”

“I want to devour Lorcan.” 

Lysandra and Aelin stared at Elide, at the words that had left her mouth. Aelin could never remember Elide being so cras, the words so alien from her mouth. She couldn’t help but burst out laughing, Lysandra doing the same. 

“Who knew you could say such things, Elide.” The three of them still laughing as the carriage pulled in front of the doors to the palace. 

Elide and Lysandra were the first to stumble out, Aelin following. She didn’t pay attention to where she was stepping, and couldn’t stop herself as she tripped on the skirts of her dress and fell face first into the ground, her head smacking against the hard stone. 

She didn’t hear much as she remained there, splayed on the ground, her head now pounding. The world was spinning and she could’ve sworn she could smell blood. She heard muffled voices around her, alarmed shouts of guards. 

“Someone get a healer. She’s hurt.” 

She didn’t respond as she felt herself being picked up, her body heavy and limp as they rushed her up the steps of the palace and inside. 

“What happened?” She could hear Orlon as he walked beside whoever was carrying her.

“She fell getting out of the carriage, she’s bleeding. We’re taking her to a healer.” 

The words of people around her became hard to decipher as she felt herself going in and out of consciousness, the pounding in her head only increasing. 

She didn’t remember the rest as she plunged into darkness.


	9. Reconciliation

Aelin woke to an excruciating ache in her head and a faint stinging in her hands. She struggled to open her eyes; but when she did the room around her was unfamiliar, the clean stone walls, the white sheets, the strong scent of lavender in her nose. She tried to turn her head, moving slowly to avoid triggering the sharp pains. 

“You should try to lay still.” She heard shifting beside her. “I’m going to get a healer.” 

She froze at that voice. She didn’t dare move for fear that she was still out of it and she would wake up and it not be real. She remained deathly still as she tried to calm her erratic breathing. More voices sounded, getting closer.

A healer moved close to the bed, touching a hand to her forehead, featherlight, careful not to put too much pressure. “She doesn’t have a fever, a good sign that the wound is not infected.” The healer smiled down at her. “I’ll help you sit up and then fetch some water.” They did just that, placing their hands under her arms and hoisting Aelin up into a sitting position, then scurrying off. 

Aelin dared a glance to her right, and the breath was knocked out of her at the sight of him. 

Rowan was perched on the edge of his seat, staring intently.

He had dark circles beneath his eyes, his silver hair haphazardly tied back and his usual clothes replaced with faded grey pants and a shirt that looked like it had seen better days. She choked back a sob. He was here. 

He came back.

He didn’t smile, but his face was concerned. Perched at the edge of the chair, he looked like he was ready to jump up at a moments notice. She didn’t know what to say, what to do. She thanked the Gods when the healer came back in with some water. She warned her to be slow, but she gulped it back, emptying the glass.

“I’ll go fetch some more.” The healer left again. When they returned Aelin clasped the glass in her hands, taking small sips, wetting her dry mouth. 

“If you need anything I’ll be just around the corner.” 

Rowan nodded his thanks towards the healer and turned his attention to her once more. 

“How do you feel?” His voice was croaky, like he hadn’t spoken in days. 

Aelin winced. “I’ve been better.”

“You had a nasty fall.” He cleared his throat. “I didn’t realise falling from a carriage could cause such a wound.” 

She had fallen from a carriage? 

“Lysandra filled me in.” 

“How long have I been out?” She couldn’t remember anything. 

“Two days.” 

How they’d contacted Rowan so quick and for him to arrive here in two days was impossible. “How did you—‘ she winced at the pain. “How did they get a message to you so fast?”

“They didn’t…” he gave her a pained look. “I felt it.” 

“What?” She gave a quizzical look.

“The… bond. I could feel your pain.” He shuddered. “I didn’t know what was happening. I just knew you were hurt and I needed to be here.” 

She tried and failed to stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry Rowan.” She wiped at the tears. “I am so so sorry.” Her voice a mere whisper. 

He didn’t hesitate as he came to perch on the edge of her bed, his hand clasping her own. 

“You have nothing to apologise for.” His grip on her hand so gentle she barely felt the squeeze of pressure, his other hand tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I was awful to you.” She sniffed. “I wouldn’t have blamed you if you never came back.” 

He looked startled at her words. His grip on her hand loosening ever so slightly. “I should have told you I was going.” He murmured. 

Aelin gazed into his pine green eyes, she saw the pain, the guilt— mirroring her own. “I shouldn’t have shut you out.” 

Rowan didn’t say anything for a moment. “I do not know how I am meant to act, what I’m meant to say or do, I will no doubt get it wrong.” He paused. “All I know is that I would do anything for you, even if it means not being with you.” He brushed his thumb across her hand, a small act of tenderness. “I will walk away right now if you want me to. If that’s what would make you happy; because that’s all I want, your happiness.”

Aelin felt the bond flutter between them, the thread of that bond tugging them together, entwining them. He was speaking so tenderly, his focus on their entwined hands, the brushes of his thumb across her skin. She tried to think of her life without Rowan, of her future, and it hurt to think of it. Worse than the pain of breaking a bone, or falling from a carriage, worse than the death of a parent, a friend. She trembled at the thought of Rowan leaving, of never seeing him. She couldn’t stomach it. 

“I want you to stay.” 

He looked up. Eyes brightening at her words. 

“I will make mistakes, and I will get angry. I will probably say things I don’t mean— I can be impulsive and mean at times. But the thought of you leaving…” She struggled to find the words. “I can’t imagine it. It pains me to think of it.” 

“We’ll figure it out together.” He kissed their entwined hands. 

“I’m glad it’s you, Rowan.” And she meant it. 

They moved toward each other, Aelin ignoring the ache of her head, her eyes fluttered closed, her body alive with the promise of a kiss. She could feel Rowan’s breathing turn ragged as they moved closer, the scent of pine and snow wrapping around her. She burned for his lips on hers, for the taste of her mate, of her soul-bonded. She knew he felt the same, his magic flaring as their noses brushed. 

“I’ve wanted to kiss you for what feels like a very long time.” He was so close, she felt the warmth of his breath on her lips. “You have no idea how much.”

She smiled lightly. “I think I have some idea.” 

And then their mouths were touching. Slow at first, tentative as they familiarised themselves with the other; and it felt like a warm summer breeze, gentle and sweet. She shifted to place her hands on his face, his skin warm beneath her palms. She was pulling him towards her, the kiss like fire and it was burning every part of her. She wanted nothing more than to have his lips against her for the rest of her life, have the feel of his skin beneath her fingertips. He felt solid and safe, she wanted to be wrapped in his embrace forever. And when they pulled apart, their breathing heavy, she stared into the eyes of her mate and felt that bond settle into place, felt their souls joining, the force of their bond enough to devour worlds.


	10. Unexpected

The two of them had been reluctant to break apart, neither one wanting to break contact first. But when they had, Rowan didn’t move from her bed, he sat close to her, his hand drawing patterns on hers.

“Was it worth the wait?” Aelin smiled at him.

Rowan chuckled. “Gods yes.” 

She placed another chaste kiss on his lips, savouring the feel of it, the taste of it. She would never get enough of this, of him. If this was what it was like from a mere kiss she hated to think how she would feel when they took things further— because when she was healed, they would be taking things further. 

Rowan scented her arousal and coughed. “You need rest Aelin.” His words pained, like it took all his strength not to feast on her right then. Rowan returned to his chair, even with the distance she could still feel him on her lips. She brushed her fingertips along them, smiling to herself. She didn’t want to think too hard on the repercussions of what had just happened. She didn’t want to think about the bond or the future; she was just content to bask in that brief moment of utter bliss. 

A knock on the door pulled them both from their thoughts. Her mother and father were loitering in the doorway, assessing the situation. “Can we come in?” Her mother asked tentatively. 

Aelin smiled warmly at them, nodding as they stepped through the archway and into the room. Rowan took that opportunity to stand, bowing slightly to her parents and then to her. “I’ll be back later, Aelin.” She wanted nothing more than to make him stay, but she understood that he wanted to give her time with her parents. 

Neither of her parents said much as they pulled another chair to her bedside, both taking a seat. Her mother looked tired, dark circles under her eyes and her hair braided messily over her shoulder. Her father too, looked worn out, the usual glint in his eyes gone, replaced with a gloomy look. 

“I’m not dead, you know. You could look a bit happier to see me.” She attempted humour, hoping to ease the tension, to ease the worry from her parents faces. 

“The healers had no idea what you’d be like when you woke. You hit your head hard, and there was so much blood—“ her mother choked back a sob. 

“It was such a low fall, I don’t— I don’t understand what happened.” Aelin could barely remember any of it, after the fourth or fifth shot of whisky the evening had started to blur, and the carriage ride home was a complete blank in her mind. 

“You were too drunk to stop yourself, you just let yourself fall into the ground. If people hadn’t been there to help… Gods.” Her father pinched the bridge of his nose. “This could’ve been a lot worse, Aelin.” 

“I didn’t exactly do it on purpose.” She looked away from her parents, focusing on the flickering candle on the table instead. 

“That doesn’t matter. Whilst we’re obviously relieved that it wasn’t more serious, you cannot be going out and getting drunk like that. You are a member of the royal family, people look up to you.” Her father looked away from her, breathing deeply for a moment before turning back. “You have an image to maintain, and I know you don’t enjoy it, but this is the life you have, and unfortunately you cannot do what you want, despite what Lysandra might say.” HIs voice was quiet, but his tone stern as he spoke. 

“Rhoe…” Her mother placed a hand on his knee. “Not now.” Evalin shook her head lightly.

“No, continue. I’d like to hear what he has to say.” Aelin knew where this was going. Her father had had this talk with her when she was sixteen after she had broken her wrist racing horses with Aedion. He’d done it again only a year ago when she’d spent most weekends of the summer getting drunk with Lysandra and Sam— although they didn’t know about Sam at the time. 

Her father continued. “We’ve been lenient with you for a long time, letting you get away with too much. Things are changing and you have to start taking more responsibility. No more running away when things get hard or locking yourself in your room when you can’t deal with something, no more getting drunk to solve your problems— playtime is over Aelin. You need to start acting like the queen you are going to be.” 

Even in the past she had never heard her father talk to her like this, with such evident disappointment. She felt embarrassed… mostly because he was right. She had been sneaking off with Sam for years, ignoring her duties to play pretend, going out partying with Lysandra or taking days off to go riding around with Aedion. Orlon had probably let it slide because there was no rush for her to be queen, but at some point he would step down and she had to be ready for that.

“I’m sorry.” 

“And whatever is happening with Rowan… you have to sort it out. If you are not going to accept the bond then we must know so we can find other options for you.” 

She flinched. “Other options?” 

“You are expected to marry Aelin.” 

She looked to her mother who remained silent by his side. She hated the way her mother turned meek when there was confrontation. More than that, Aelin hated how she felt looking at her parents, feeling the shame and frustration rising. 

She let that frustration surface. “I know. I am well aware that I have to marry and that people are waiting for me to make a decision about Rowan; but Orlon will be on the throne for a long time before I have to step up anyway, so why is there a rush?” 

Her parents looked towards each other, their brows furrowing. “Because…” Another glance.

“Because what?” 

Her mother spoke this time. “Orlon has decided that in one year he would like to step down.” Aelin could feel the world stop. “We were going to tell you a few days ago, but with everything happening with Rowan and Sam…” She trailed off. 

Her father once again began speaking. “He has been ruling for forty years Aelin, he’s starting to get tired. He has been king since he was twenty-two and you know he doesn’t have an immortal life ahead of him. He wants to spend whatever time he does have left with Darrow, not thinking about running a kingdom.” 

She tried to feel anger at Orlon, but she couldn’t. They’d never discussed when Aelin would officially take over the throne, only that she would at some point. Her father had never wanted to be king, so he had passed the title to his child; that child being Aelin. She had assumed Orlon would rule until he physically couldn’t any longer… but one year. That was so much sooner than she ever imagined. 

“A queen is expected to be married when she takes the throne. And given your situation...” 

She stilled. “That is an antiquated tradition. Why should a woman be expected to be married when a man can take the throne and be single his entire life?” Her head had started to ache, she blinked back the black spots in her vision.

“So you’re not accepting the bond then?” 

She rubbed her temple. “That’s not what I said.” 

Rhoe stood then, frustration on his face. “Then I do not understand the issue. Why are you making this all so difficult?” Her father paced as he spoke. “You have known this was how it will work, and you have never fought it until now. Why?”

Her flame burned on her fingers, her body going hot. “Because all of a sudden I’m not getting a choice!” She tried to calm the flame that was fighting to be released. “From day one I was told that any decisions would be mine; but from where I am sitting, that isn’t happening.” 

“Taking the throne has never been negotiable, Aelin.” 

She glared at her father, who did the exact same thing back, before she finally said, “it was negotiable for you.” 

“It was different for me.” 

“How?” 

“I had a daughter to pass the title to. You do not.” 

She was silent. 

“This is about more than just taking the throne, isn’t it?” Her mother’s first words.

Aelin tore her eyes away from her father and turned to her mother. “Considering you’ve mentioned marriage multiple times, yes, this is more than just the throne.” She rubbed her temple. “Even if I officially accept the bond with Rowan I will still be forced into marriage— after knowing him for three weeks. And don’t give me the lecture about how we’re mates.” 

“That isn’t what—“ 

She cut her off. “And then if I don’t accept the bond, I’ll be forced into marriage with a stranger.” 

“So it’s about you not wanting to get married?” 

“That’s not—.” She groaned. “I want to get married; just not on someone else’s schedule.” She blew out a breath. “I just want more time to really figure out what I want.”

“Fireheart…” 

She shook her head, the aching increasing the more she argued. “It doesn’t matter. My head hurts, I want to sleep.” She turned away from her parents, trying to steady her breathing, trying to calm her fire as she did. She didn’t turn as her mother came to place a kiss on the back of her head. She stared at the empty bed at the other end of the room, willing her mind to quiet. 

She didn’t know how long she stayed that way. She didn’t stir as footsteps sounded behind her, but she relaxed as she scented Rowan. He didn’t say anything as he climbed onto the bed and brought his arm around her waist, enveloping her in his warmth. He placed a kiss on her head, just as her mother had done, and she felt herself relax at his touch. 

The two of them stayed like that for a while, long enough that Aelin had started to drift off. His arm was a steady weight over her, a blanket of protection from the world. She drifted in and out of consciousness, Rowan never moving his position. And in between those brief moments of rest, she let her mind think about the future, about what she would have to do. 

She must have fallen asleep because she woke later to Rowan talking in a low voice to someone. He was no longer behind her, the coldness he had left was enough to get her turning to see who had arrived.

Aedion was stood there, concern etching his face as he looked at Aelin. Rowan had stopped his sentence to look at her too— and she could have sworn she saw a flicker of love behind the concern. 

“How are you feeling?” Aedion asked. 

“Like I’ve said to everyone… I could be better.” She tried to lift herself up and Rowan was there in an instant, gently helping her into an upright position. He loitered by her side as Aedion spoke.

“Lysandra feels awful. She’s only just managed to stop crying.” 

“It’s not her fault I was clumsy and fell from a carriage.” A bad attempt at lightening the mood. 

“She feels like she pushed you to go out with them, that it’s her fault your parents are—“ 

She stopped him. “We don’t need to talk about my parents.” 

He looked to Rowan who was pretending to be interested in the spec of dirt on his shirt. 

“You came back then.” Aedion directed his statement at Rowan. 

“Of course.” 

“It was nice of you to let us know you were going in the first place.” Aedion’s tone was cold as he spoke. 

Rowan practically growled his response. “It was none of your business.” 

Aelin wished she could sink into the covers, or disappear completely. 

“It’s my business when my cousin is hurting and moping around the palace for two weeks, wondering why her mate left without telling her.” 

She stilled. “Aedion, it’s fine.” 

“It’s not fine. You were not fine. He should be on his knees begging for forgiveness.”

“Aedion.” 

The two males stared at each other, neither saying a word.

“Let me know when you’re back in your normal rooms, I’ll swipe some cake from the kitchen and we can talk.” He didn’t say goodbye as he left the room. 

“He seems nice.” 

She glared at Rowan. “Don’t start.” 

“How are you really feeling?” Rowan took her hand in his own. She warmed at the touch. Despite their time apart and despite not officially accepting the bond— there would have to be some sort of ceremony for that—, Rowan was the only person she could stand to be around right now. 

“I feel extremely overwhelmed.” She kissed his palm. “And I feel anxious.” 

“Do you wish to talk about it?” 

She mulled it over. There was no doubt in her mind that she could trust Rowan, but she was afraid of scaring him away; the thought of actually being queen terrified her, and she had been preparing since birth for it… Rowan had not. It scared her that everything was moving so fast.

“Nothing you say will scare me.” It was like he had heard her thoughts; or perhaps the expression on her face said everything. 

“Orlon is stepping down as king next year and when he does, I’m expected to take the throne. It’s not like I didn’t know that… it’s just—“ 

“It’s happening sooner than you thought.” 

She nodded. “I just thought I’d have a lot longer, you know?” 

“Orlon wouldn’t make this decision if he didn’t think you would be ready.” Rowan squeezed her hand. 

“Maybe he’s just trying to give me some sort of wake up call.” 

Rowan laughed. “Or that.”

Her smile fell away as she said, “I’m expected to be married before I take the throne.”

“Is that why you’re anxious?”

She shrugged. “Partly.” 

“You can talk to me Aelin.”

“I just—“ She swallowed. “Marriage is terrifying— it’s not that I don’t want to eventually get married.” She thought for a moment. “I think what is scaring me is that I’ve realised the person I want waiting for me at the end of the aisle is a male who I’ve known for less than a month of my life.” She took a deep breath. “I feel like I am going crazy… because in the time that it’s been since my father informed me of this, I’ve somehow come to the conclusion that it’s you I want to marry.” Another breath. “But I’ve been so distant from you; and we’ve spent almost two weeks apart and then suddenly I’m looking at you and none of it matters.” She finally met his eyes. “None of it matters because you came back, and we’re together.” She paused. “I look at you Rowan and… I am home. I touch you and my entire world is set ablaze. I sense the bond between us and I feel—“ She couldn’t find the words. 

“I know.” He whispered, then louder. “I know because I feel it too. The very first day I saw you, I knew.” 

She could feel it— the bond. Solid and unyielding as it flowed between the two of them. 

“I’m not scared of this Aelin. If you want me to be the one at the end of that aisle, then I accept. Because there is no one else in this universe I would want to spend the rest of my immortal life with.” He lowered his brow to hers. “I told you before that even when this world is a forgotten whisper of dust, I will wait for you. That is still true.” 

She closed her eyes, savouring the closeness of Rowan. “You don’t have to wait anymore.”

Her lips touched his own and it was just as beautiful as the first time. And as Rowan deepened the kiss, she felt that bond pulse between them, she felt their souls entwining and Aelin felt herself shudder at the sheer intensity of it. 

She had absolutely fallen in love with Rowan and she would burn this world to ashes for this… for them.


End file.
